


Last Goodbye

by dr_ducktator



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-04
Updated: 2011-05-04
Packaged: 2017-10-19 00:23:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/194854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr_ducktator/pseuds/dr_ducktator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This takes place just as Duke's leaving Haven as a young'un.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye."

Nathan knew that what he was about to do was radically out of character for him; he wasn’t big on grand gestures or flights of fancy, but Duke was leaving. He couldn’t let Duke go without saying – well, whatever he could say.

They’d had something. There wasn’t any point in naming it because neither he nor Duke could bear labeling the something that was theirs. No matter the name, it had something to do with love, right? Nathan thought he loved Duke, even if he couldn’t tell him, because he wasn’t sure. Or if it wasn’t love, Nathan didn’t know what else to call it, because Duke was leaving and Nathan was already feeling the loss like he was caving in on himself.

But Duke was different now. Distant. Cold. All the bullshit adjectives that accompany the end. Maybe that’s why Duke’s decided to go. Nathan isn’t sure. But fuck it, Duke doesn’t get to slink away.

Duke’s unmooring his boat when Nathan plants a hand on his shoulder and whirls him around. They’re face-to-face now. Nathan needs this. He’s not afraid of this confrontation because not knowing why is worse than any fight could ever be.

“Duke, just listen to me. Let me say this and I will walk away. I just need you to know that whatever it was that we were doing, it was good. It made me happy when nothing else did.”

Duke was standing there listening to Nathan. His face impassive. It didn’t derail Nathan.

“You know this isn’t like me. I don’t spout this shit unless I really mean it. So I’m going to kiss you goodbye, Duke. And I want you to kiss me back. Like you used to. Like I know you want to, and not like some bullshit ‘I’m sorry’ kiss.”

And he kissed Duke. The kiss was both hard and soft, it that’s possible; Nathan tried to pour everything he was feeling into the kiss. He wanted Duke to stay so badly, he wanted to tell him he was in love with him, but there was always a part of him that knew it would all be fucked up in the end. He just always thought he’d be the one ending it. But when Duke fucking walked out on him? That was something he couldn’t deal with, even if Nathan admits to himself that it may have been his fault.

****************************************************************************************

He was hoping Nathan would stay the hell away. Leaving was already hard enough. And why the hell was he putting up a fight now? Nathan’s known for weeks Duke was leaving. He’d begun detaching himself even earlier.

He knows it was a shitty way to tell Nathan he was leaving; it was just after he’d told Nathan he loved him, just after Nathan had come apart underneath him for the first time. But Nathan didn’t say he loved him back. And fuck, that hurt. He wanted to leave Haven at some point anyway, wanted to see what else was out there, so the spark of anger and rejection he’d felt manifested itself that moment in a declaration – “Nathan, I’m leaving Haven.” – and a slam of the door.

It’s not like Nathan came after him. He didn’t grab him halfway out the door and say, “No Duke, no. This can’t happen. You can’t go.” Nathan didn’t call, either. He never called.

And Duke had wondered whether Nathan was worth loving. Yes. He was. At least his Nathan was. But his Nathan would have come for him, would have called. Duke was beginning to think he didn’t know Nathan at all.

And now Nathan was kissing him. It was his Nathan, too. The one he loves. The one he walked out on. Duke has no idea what to do. But he knows there’s no going back. And that thought knocked the breath from his body, made him pull back from the kiss.

Neither of them spoke. Their eyes glassy and brimming. “I’m sorry” pushing so hard at their mouths, but neither will utter it because each man believes his pain to be more significant than the other’s. As if you can or should measure rejection like that. Fucking absurd.

Nathan knows his last-ditch effort failed. He knew it would. The same feeling that kept him from telling Duke he loved him reminded him that it could never work. Nathan couldn’t just ignore that clawing feeling, either.

Duke won’t tell him again. He won’t say “I love you, Nathan” ever again, and for some reason it’s the ringing of the lighthouse bell that hammers the revelation home. He’d even considered asking Nathan to come with him, that maybe getting Nathan out of Haven would help somehow.

They’re both too stubborn, too proud. It’s over. Whatever they had or could have had never really stood a chance. And with the melancholy tendencies of youth, they both can’t help but feel it’s their last goodbye.


End file.
